This post is not about yoga, but I’m currently on day 3 of “30 Days of Yoga” with Adriene from You Tube. A beautiful friend of mine suggested the program and I am loving it. I never thought I would be a “yogi” but for goodness sake, if I get to feel this good every day for 30 minutes of my time, I don’t mind.
Aside from that, I’ve had this idea floating around my head about my next post. I haven’t been planning them like I did when I first started writing. Some haters got in my way and I had to re-focus myself. So, I came up with a golden idea. Let’s see what happens when I try to write it all out.
I wouldn’t go so far as to call myself a Facebook addict. I don’t need to have it open in a window when I’m online, I don’t rush to my phone when I hear a notification go off, and I sure don’t spend all of my time pestering my friends on Messenger. However, I do check my feed several times a day, I pick it up and check out what my friends are posting when I’m watching TV and a commercial break comes on.
I follow a lot of Psychology, science, and list sites on Facebook. That means, more often than not I have a new article on my feed that reads “10 Things He’s Hiding From You” or “Does Your Relationship Have These 5 Traits That Make a Marriage Work?”
I’m not a social Psychologist by any means, I want to be a Neuropsychologist some day. I have no business clicking on these articles. I know my relationship is awesome, Eric isn’t hiding anything from me, and I do have what it takes to make my marriage last. I don’t need these articles to reinforce what I already know.
But, my curiosity nearly always gets the best of me.
It almost always comes back to bite me in the ass too. When I read, no matter the material, if something sticks out to me, the words seem to peel off of the page and get stuck in my brain. I remember a specific sentence or phrase, and it sticks with me until it’s debunked or becomes a part of me.
These articles almost always cause me to doubt what I have going with Eric. I base my personal relationship on what some dude behind a desk needed to hand in by noon so he could go home early. There is usually some science behind these pieces, but facts are few and far between when reading “10 Wedding Horror Stories You Need to Read Now.”
I used to love reading pieces like these. I would sit there reading the bullet points and laugh because “psh, that’s kid’s stuff, I know, I know.” But then I got married and I lived with Eric for the first time in our relationship. We were all each other had to rely on. I couldn’t jokingly ask my mother if something he did was normal, he didn’t have to ask me before going to hang out with his friends, we are all we have now.
Don’t get me wrong, that’s one of the parts I was looking forward to. I wanted a marriage, not a big foofy wedding. I married my best friend and that’s the best decision I’ve ever made. But once I started reading those articles again, I started to doubt. “Maybe I don’t have what it takes” I would think “maybe he is cheating on me,” “maybe my wedding could be considered a horror story.”
Isn’t that awful? One second I’m loving life with my new husband by my side, the next, I’m full of doubt and fear.
Recently, I’ve steered clear from these articles, as enticing as they are. I truly think I’m better for it. Not only does it make me happier not to have one more thing to mull over in my mind, but it makes Eric happier because it gives me room to trust the man I married without testing it through an internet list.
I wanted to incorporate this part more delicately, but I don’t see that happening, so I’m just going to go for it:
I want to share with you my secret. I mean, it’s not a secret, but if I was asked “what keeps your relationship so strong? How do you guys never fight?” I would give this answer:
Speak your mind.
When I see the word “communicate” I think, awesome! Someone gets it! But I don’t know that I’ve ever read an instruction manual on exactly how to communicate.
When Eric and I have a problem, we spit out exactly what we’re thinking in that moment. Even if it doesn’t make sense, it’s something to start with. More often than not, one of us can translate what the other is talking about, and figure out where to go from there.
All we do is talk when we have a concern or a problem, if it’s big or small, this tactic works.
My favorite part about this advice is that it’s not just applicable to disagreements. When I speak my mind, I tell Eric I love him more often. Whenever it pops into my head. I could be doing something totally random, but if I start thinking “man, I really love this guy” or “what he just did was really sweet” I tell him.
The other day, I turned to him and said “you know, you make me really happy.” The look on his face was that of a child at Christmas. I honestly wasn’t expecting that, I just wanted to tell him because I was thinking it at the time. I find the more I do this, the more he does too, and let me tell you, it’s awesome to be on the receiving end of those compliments.
Good thing I don’t need a list to tell me I’m doing this right.