Sometimes I do this thing where I lose my phone for an entire day. Today was one of those days. Usually when I lose my phone I have another way of getting in touch with people so I don’t worry about it too much. However, today was different.
Eric works all day long and only has a few minutes to text or call me during the day. He almost always takes the opportunity to text or call while he’s gone because…honestly I don’t know why, I don’t do anything all day long. I guess he’s just one of those guys that likes to talk to his wife or something.
Anyway, today I lost my phone soon after I woke up. It was probably around the time I spilled a cup of coffee and had to clean and re-arrange my side of the room because I’m an idiot and didn’t learn from the last time I spilled coffee all over my side of the room. So, I clean up and try not to think about it because if I do, I’ll beat myself up all day long about how dumb I am for not dumping that stupid cup of coffee from three days ago. And I lost track of my phone. But to be honest, I didn’t notice at all that I didn’t have it on me. I opened up my laptop, turned on the TV, made my cup of coffee for the morning, and sat down to take some surveys. Just as I was taking my “lunch break” I heard a knock on my door. “Hello?” It was Eric’s friend Frank (the one we’re living with). I opened the door and Frank told me Eric had texted him to check on me because I wasn’t answering my phone.
So, I say “ugh, oh my goodness” with this smile on my face like it was something stupid someone else had done. But no, it was me, again. I started to look everywhere around the room and couldn’t find it for a solid 3 minutes. Right as I was starting to get frustrated, I dug through my suitcase one last time and felt the vibration of Eric’s futile attempts to reach me. AHA! I nearly shouted aloud when I finally found the damn thing.
Eric sounded exhausted and pissed and relieved all at the same time. I said “I’m so sorry” because I didn’t know what else to say. This definitely isn’t the first time this has happened. His first words were “are you ok?”
“Yeah, I’m fine” I said, then prattled on about why I didn’t answer the first 10 times he called. “Are you?” I asked.
“I am now” he responded, with what seemed like a hidden sigh. I was happy, as I always am, to know that he cares enough to keep calling me even though he didn’t really have the time. But I was also really upset with myself.
I mentioned before that this is not the first time this has happened. It’s happened multiple times over the course of our relationship (I’m not one to be attached to my phone like it’s a limb). It’s so awesome to know that I’m not the only one who assumes the worst when Eric doesn’t answer me. I can’t imagine what he thought might have happened to me. I literally sit on my ass all day long, watch TV, take surveys, and blog.
While I’m glad Eric cares so much to repetitively to make sure I’m alright and reach out to other people when I don’t answer, I hate that this keeps happening and often get really upset with myself and blame myself after it’s all over.
I feel stupid, I feel like I deserve for Eric to be mad (though for some reason he’s never more than a little miffed), and I feel like he feels like I’m not making him a priority.
He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I feel like his confidence in me gets chipped away every time something like this happens. I don’t know why he loves me and deals with me every day like this, but damn am I glad he does.