I don’t do a whole lot to put myself out there with this blog. I post to Facebook, Tumblr, and sometimes in the Community Pool comments. Last night I posted in the community pool and for some reason got like, 5 more followers.
I nearly have 30 followers and haven’t been blogging for more than a month! How in the world did that happen? I’m not the next Socrates and by no means am I writing about something more than a few people care about.
I’m just doing my thing, relieving stress by writing out the things that are going on in my head. I used to journal, a few years ago I made a New Year’s resolution to write every day about what was happening. Surprisingly, I actually managed to do it. I found that when I wrote, I had less on my mind throughout the day, especially if I just wrote as the words came to me and didn’t bother with perfect grammar, censorship, or handwriting.
While you might think I’m doing it just to calm myself down and have a creative outlet for myself, really I’m writing because I’m afraid I’ll forget. Ever since I was young, Alzheimer’s disease and memory problems have run rampant through my family. I still hear horror stories that my mother remembers from visiting my great-aunt. When my grandmother was diagnosed, I took it personally. I realized that it could happen to anyone and that even I could be at risk when I get older. When she passed away, that was the last straw.
I didn’t want to miss a second of my life, I wanted to write about it, photograph it, scrapbook it.
The unfortunate side effect of spending the memory-making moments of your life recording the memory-making moments of your life is that you forget to live them. I get too caught up looking through the lens of a camera at my friends to remember to stop and actually feel the experiences around me.
The other unfortunate side effect of recording my life is that when I force myself to be present and feel my experiences, I feel guilty because I’m afraid I’ll forget them. I feel like I’m caught in a loop and I can’t choose between living and remembering my life.
It’s tricky to live like I do, especially now. I waste my days sitting at a computer screen in front of the TV all day and wait for Eric to come home. I can’t help but feel older as the hours tick by and my life passes before my eyes.
But I want to thank you all for dealing with me and telling me that I’m a decent writer. That’s such a confidence booster and has even gotten me interested in writing my novel again. I wouldn’t keep posting if it weren’t for the feedback and support. I barely know you all and it’s so encouraging to know that someone reads my stuff. You’re the bomb diggity for sure.