I made the majority of my friends while I was away at college. It’s amazing now to know that I have so many people that care for me, not because I made them by being overly social, but because they chose to look past my insecurities and see the real me.
Yes, some were forced to live with me and others had no choice but to spend time with me during rehearsals, but they stuck around and that’s what’s important to me.
The downside with going to school on the other side of the state is that you live on the other side of the state. That means that when you graduate, you’ll be just as far away from them as they were each summer you wished you had someone to hang out with.
The thing about my friends though is that once we all graduated, we went in separate directions but somehow kept that connection going that we had when we saw each other every day. I’m not sure how this happened though because I’m absolutely terrible at keeping up with everyone.
I feel like I have to make sure I take time out of my day to message each one and tell them exactly what I did that day and what sucks about my life right now. Unfortunately, that task becomes too overwhelming that I just wind up not doing it. Ugh, peopling is really rough sometimes.
Why am I telling you about my friends right now? This is a blog about marriage, not about friends. Let me elaborate for you…
When I made most of my friends and had those daily conversations with them, I rarely mentioned Eric. One of my roommate friends at one point asked me why I never talked about him. I never wanted to be that girl that attached “oh yeah, my boyfriend does that too” or “the other day I was texting my boyfriend and he said this really funny thing and it was seriously really funny.” So I just never did. The word boyfriend never seemed to fit what I wanted to call Eric. It felt cheap and Middle School to call him that. It was a word that screams temporary. He was anything but temporary.
That’s lead to my friends thinking Eric was some big mystery. Some didn’t trust him because I never talked about him. Some friends didn’t even know he existed.
If I’m being honest, I was selfish. I didn’t want anyone else to know how amazing he was. He was all mine and no one else could have even a piece of him. The only issue with that was that I also wanted to show him off and brag about him. Unfortunately the two things canceled each other out and I wound up staying quiet. But I learned something about myself by staying quiet. I learned that by doing that, I was keeping a piece of him protected for myself.
If you know anything about me, you know that I’m basically a sponge in social settings. I act like the people around me, I’ll be loud and obnoxious, I’ll be snobby and judgmental, and I’ll be annoying and giggly; it all depends on who I have around me. If I were to say something about Eric in bad company, I might have changed how I thought about him and that would have been detrimental to our relationship. So basically, I’m glad I had supportive friends in whose company I was totally myself and comfortable. I’m really glad they love me for me, and I’m really glad they didn’t build Eric up to be a serial killer with what little I wound up telling them.